Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs
We have found that much of our suffering originates from an invisible source: limiting beliefs. These are deeply held assumptions about ourselves, others, and the world that silently drive our thoughts, emotions, and actions. Left unexamined, they trap us in unhappiness; seen clearly, they dissolve, leading to greater freedom and joy.
What Are Limiting Beliefs?
Think of life as a background program. Every experience is generated by a chain starting with a belief. Research confirms how beliefs shape our thoughts. Simply put: if you believe you're unworthy, you'll generate thoughts about your unworthiness. Thoughts are then a necessary precursor to emotion. Unworthy thoughts lead to feelings of unworthiness.
Aaron Abke, author of The Three Beliefs of Ego, identifies three core limiting beliefs driving our most difficult emotions—sadness, anger, and fear:
The belief in lack or incompleteness \ Sadness.
The belief that outcomes will bring happiness \Anger.
The belief that we have control \Fear.
The Three Beliefs of Ego, as outlined in Aaron Abke's book, centers on the idea that much of human suffering stems from three core, unconscious beliefs that structure the ego.
The three beliefs are:
Lack: The feeling of "I am not enough" or that something essential is missing. This belief leads to feelings of inadequacy.
Attachment: The tendency to cling to external things—like relationships, possessions, achievements, or identities—believing they will provide the wholeness that is supposedly missing due to the belief in lack. Since these external things are impermanent, attachment inevitably leads to pain upon loss.
Control: The attempt to manage and resist life to protect attachments and soothe the sense of lack. This manifests as anxiety, frustration with the unexpected, and resistance to change.
These three egoic beliefs give rise to the primary negative emotions—sadness (from lack), anger (from resistance/attachment), and fear (from lack/control)—which are the root causes of suffering. Abke proposes that seeing these beliefs clearly, rather than fighting the ego, is the path to healing, peace, and spiritual freedom. A key tool discussed is the Emotional Guidance System, which helps individuals recognize these ego patterns in real-time when negative emotions arise, allowing them to shift beyond the limiting beliefs.
For instance, studies show that elevated anxiety correlates with higher-than-normal control beliefs (Millings & Carnelley, 2015). While these beliefs feel absolute, they’re just thoughts appearing true. They manifest as:
A thought that we lack something we "should" have.
A thought that a specific outcome will finally bring happiness.
A thought that we can control uncontrollable situations or people.
Learning to stop believing these untrue thoughts opens up our world. In fact, revising beliefs is the core mechanism in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) (Kronemyer & Bystritsky, 2014), one of psychology's most reliable treatments. Listen to the Huberman Lab about managing your core beliefs:
Spotting and Dissolving Beliefs
For years, we may have tried fixing ourselves through habit change or forced positive thinking. We realized no surface fix would work until we addressed the root beliefs. The breakthrough involved tracing experiences backward: Emotion → Thought → Belief. For example, anxiety at a party might trigger the thought, "I don't belong here," which traces back to the belief, "I'm not good enough."
The good news is you don't fight or suppress these beliefs; resistance only strengthens them. What works is mindful observation with compassion. Research by Kristin Neff (2011) shows that self-kindness, recognizing common humanity, and mindfulness lead to more adaptive responses. If you catch the belief, "I'm a failure," pause, breathe, and affirm:
I can accept myself, even feeling like a failure.
Everyone fails sometimes.
This is just a thought; it’s not my identity.
The key to transcendence is mindful disidentification. Stop confusing yourself with your thoughts and beliefs to gain presence and peace. Neuroscience suggests meditation helps cultivate this mindfulness (Tang, Hölzel, & Posner, 2015). Limiting beliefs are invisible scripts, but with compassionate awareness, they dissolve. We can reprogram our inner patterns, release what hinders us, and access the happiness that was always available—beyond belief.
